All tagged Gluten Free
Fairly odd stuff, even for the chocolate-adjacent category. It's as though you spilled a cup of cornstarch in your hours-old mug of Folgers. Doesn't have a ton of flavor, but what's there is decidedly more coffee than cocoa. It's undersweet, undersalty, undercreamy, and overstarchy. On the plus side, you could probably use this as the goopy paste in your next paper maché project.
Mystifying combination of thin/smooth viscosity with a chalky, astringent epilogue-- giving it a medicinal bent (think Pepto Bismol without the tasty mint flavor). The weird foamy head that manifests a few minutes after pouring it into a cup is an ample harbinger of the non-milky experience upon which you'll soon embark. The cocoa flavor has an unflattering aerosol essence to it and despite the label touting "made with a Greek Yogurt base" there is no fermented, yogurty, microbial presence-- which is the best thing I can say about it.
Stronger and I daresay slightly more mature than the typical Nesquik chocolate milk profile, you can easily convince yourself that the 'fudge brownie' flavor is there and not just the old purple-clad 'double chocolate' Nesquik with a suggestive new name. The experience quickly rings hollow, however, since its lowfat milk base isn't capable of deft flavor extension beyond initial tastebud contact. Disturbing that they have to put "made with real milk" on the package-- feels like it's running without being chased-- only inviting more suspicion in the process.
Densely sludgy with no recreational payoff-- it's as hard to recommend this stuff as it is to finish the 8 oz bottle. The dominant flavor isn't one of cocoa-- it's more of an 'old milk on the cusp of turning' fruitiness that is likely a product of its proprietary Splenda sucralose and allulose blend of sweeteners. That flavor carries on in the aftertaste, paired with a drying chalkiness that grinds your mouth to a halt. This might be your body's natural defense against taking another sip. Heed its warning.
Poorly-executed cookies & cream flavor reliant on a fakey-sweet upfront pop and little more than instant regret on the back end. It didn't feel convincingly 'good'-- and by 'good' I mean 'not rotten'-- so it had me verifying the date stamped on the package a couple times. As of today, the Use By date is still 4+ months in the future, so I'm left to assume it's just general funkiness (and not bacterial invasion) responsible for the off-kilter taste.
Tough to put into words, but think late-August seafood restaurant dumpster juice, without the intrigue. Solidly misses the mark on every facet of chocolate milk (except for a nice but unnaturally bright brown coloration). The flavor is a dull, non-sweet fruitiness with zero inkling of chocolate flavor, and the texture is an odd confluence of watery but chalky and sadly astringent during the remorseful afterglow. I applaud the concept. I dig the niche. I like the branding. Hate is a strong word. I absolutely hate the flavor and drinking experience.
Appropriate salty/sweet balance for a more adult, sourish, mature(ish) cocoa flavor-- which seems to be standard across many private label 2% organic chocolate milks. Sure, there's a cooked milk flavor from the ultra-pasteurization, sure that kills the 'soul' of the chocolate milk-- but the rest of it is decent enough to satisfy in a pinch, or even feature as the 'indulgent' portion of an unremarkable bagged lunch.
Thick, sludgy, and paralyzingly sweet-- it looks better than it tastes and exudes a bit of 'heat' on the palate that feels weird. Good chocolate milk rarely comes in aluminum cans-- and it never comes in a can that looks like this.
Undersweet in a way that feels extreme at first, but feels more appropriate once you're several sips in. There's an artificial twinge in the aftertaste that leaves me in a bad place, but I get that this is not meant for recreation, but for discipline. There's a modestly creamy base that can support much more than the dusting of cocoa contained therein, and while uniqueness has cachet with me, too many of its idiosyncrasies stack up in the 'loss' column. Maybe it tastes better through the provided straw, but I'm not curious enough to try this again anytime soon.
Strange light-vanilla flavor that has a cereal-esque bent to it-- but ultimately dominated by an inauthentic sweetness that peaks early and rears its head again in the aftertaste. It seems fakely sweet, fakely salty, and wholly unsatisfying. Texture-wise, it could be a lot worse, as it flows pretty freely and is not bogged down by a starchy sludginess like many others in the 'recovery' genre.
Surprisingly palatable for 1g sugar and 30g protein-- the additional salt and peanut butter flavoring helps quite a bit and feels like 'success' despite a low overall rating compared with average chocolate milk. There's no getting rid of the vitamin-laden, metallic 'twang' that plagues these type of drinks, but at least it attempts to make it more pleasurable on its way down.
Strong enough cocoa presence to challenge (not quite 'mitigate') the metallic / fortified flavor, and thankfully the stevia is dialed to an appropriate level-- avoiding the telltale 'twang' that typically accompanies it. Texture-wise, it's an odd combination of thin yet deeply chalky-- it won't feel terribly unfamiliar, but it remains several standard deviations away from desirable.
Pretty decent salty-malty cocoa flavor with a deceptively creamy hit in the latter half of the sip. There's a bit of a cooked milk twinge which manifests as a caramel-like flavor, likely from the high-temp pasteurization that caramelizes some of the milk sugars. All in all-- a pretty decent 1%.
Funky in a way that made me immediately check the sell-by date. There's a lingering, acidic / pukey flavor that is present throughout and it's a bad matchup for my personal tastes. Chocolate plus almond plus coconut is an ambitious combination from a flavor standpoint, and I'm not sensing any synergy here. Try if you must, avoid if you can.
One of the better 'no sugar added' chocolate milks I've had thus far. It's not overly chocolaty to be sure, but there's a pleasant, not-too-fakey sweetness that pairs well with the oddly creamy base (for 1%). This punches above its weight class given the constraints it has taken on.
Aside from a pleasant upfront buttery-ness, and competent texture, there's not much else to report. The cocoa flavor is very light and plays a forgettable supporting role (if that). There are some really good 2-percents out there, and this one sadly comes up short.
Somehow manages to avoid 'face-twisting' territory. The texture is chalky, drying, and heavy, while the flavor is best described as faux-sweetly metallic. You could do a lot worse in this category, but drinking this for pleasure would be an exercise in self-loathing. If you need 32g of protein with minimal caloric baggage, have at it, but don't expect to like it.
You won't believe that this doesn't contain 'coconut' flavor in some capacity. It's an odd flavor, completely devoid of chocolate, but surprisingly pleasant given the low expectations. It drinks a little lighter than its peers, but still has a drying chalkiness that seems to be unavoidable in this tranche. Points for uniqueness and wince-free potability.
As a closet Ensure apologist (don't tell anyone) this is largely similar in texture and flavor to its grown-up (elderly?) counterpart. There's a definite 'vitamin-y' quality to the flavor, but the sweet-salty balance is decent and there's enough fat content to usher each sip toward a satisfying conclusion provided your expectations are adequately tempered.
Lead-like dull flavor, with no semblance of what makes chocolate milk enjoyable-- some sweetness, cocoa, creaminess, etc-- none of those are remotely represented here. There's a mineral-esque, clinical, hold-your-nose-and-take-your-medicine quality to the 'flavor', and an egregiously chalky and drying finish that, as far as I can tell, is an effort to curb that pre-vomit salivation.
