All in USA

Prairie Farms Chocolate Mint Milk

Lots fo flavor in a small sip-- it's uniquely salty for the chocolate-mint genre, and it works for the most part though it may distract some out there with less of a personal affect for salt in chocolate milk. The mint presence is cooling and appropriately balanced with the chocolate, though I've had more authentic mint flavors in other milks. There's a slight medicinal quality to the mint-- it's more "Ben-Gay" than "Pepto-Bismol". Aftertaste-wise, your left with a slight cooling/mint essence and a pinch of salt on the tongue-- not off-putting, but noticeable and something that takes a few sips to get used to. Ultimately, comes off as a bit exaggerated in all respects, and would benefit from mild dilution.

Choc-Ola Cow Power!

Basically a slightly more chocolaty version of Yoo-hoo. It's watery, thin, smooth, and largely unsatisfying. I like the packaging, and I respect the fact that it's been an Indianapolis institution for more years that I've been on this planet. I just don't see what value it brings to the table outside of nostalgia.

Kuehnert Dairy Cookies & Cream Milk

Delicious and true-to-form cookies & cream flavor with a twinge of earthiness on the back end. I appreciate that it's opted for realism as opposed to a cartoonish representation of the C&C profile-- it's not heavy-handed on the sweetness and it's a slower burn of an experience rather than an upfront assault like so many have been.

Kuehnert Dairy Chocolate Milk

Bright cocoa flavor with nice malty sharpness that peaks in the latter half of each sip. The medium viscosity feels solid and fully-burdened with flavor, and the salty-sweet balance leans slightly (and nicely) toward the former. Well above average in all respects, this won't disappoint from first eye contact to lasting afterglow.

Bored Cow Chocolate Milk (2024)

So brown, that it's nearly an angry red color-- and so undersweet that it amplifies the interrobang-inducing, off-putting soy-adjacent (but not soy) flavor that, while unique, assertively legislates the case against novelty. Texture-wise, it's a mess of upfront anemia and back-end weight-lifting chalk.That said, this is at least 3 times more enjoyable than the first formulation I had a couple years ago-- but 3 times zero is still zero.

Dairystar Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Dead-center, unoffensive, competent but somehow incapable. What do you expect for a Holiday Inn Express breakfast bar? By now, I know exactly what to expect, and this is it. Fulfills modest expectations, and saps motivation from your soul and replaces it with liquid mediocrity. Trying to say something interesting about something uninteresting.

Bettergoods Organic Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Pleasantly balanced with a slight emphasis on cocoa and salt. This stands out among its organic, UHT peers in a good way-- there's a little more depth to the flavor than usual, though it still maintains the sour-ish, almost earthy cocoa presence that is representative of the genre. It certainly scratches the chocolate milk itch, and would be a welcome addition to your bagged lunch (no refrigeration necessary)-- but drink it slowly, as 8oz goes fast.

United Dairy Whole Chocolate Milk (2024)

Smooth and drinkable, with a more pronounced vanilla bent to the flavor as opposed to chocolate; it's about as chocolaty as it looks, which isn't much. There's cloying bite to the sweetness, likely the HFCS registering and then lingering on the palate beyond its welcome. You could do better, you could do a lot worse-- this is bottom-tier whole chocolate milk that gets the job done in a pinch-- but best not to find yourself in said pinch in the first place.

Lutheridge Jersey Farm Chocolate Milk

Knocks it out of the park on all levels-- luxurious, slightly grassy, buttery Jersey cream adorned with a punchy cooca flavor, a sweet/salty balance that favors the latter, and a velvety viscosity that disperses the goodness rapidly and evenly across all surfaces fortunate enough to partake. This is my first time trying this-- I already can't wait for the next.

Good & Gather Organic Lowfat Chocolate Milk

It's hard to say something interesting about something uninteresting-- so I won't try. It tastes exactly what you'd expect lowfat, ultra-high temp pasteurized, mass-produced chocolate milk to taste like-- inoffensively un-chocolaty, forgettably thin, pleasantly smooth, and blandly balanced. If mediocrity was the goal, they knocked it out of the park.

Van Grouw Family Farm Chocolate Milk

Beefy creamline body that is asked to handle a lot of cocoa flavor, and it does so magnificently. The bold, medium cocoa presence adds to the girth and comes with a bit of a texture on the back end- but it still feels copacetic and is enjoyable to the last drop. Sweetness is kept to a supporting role, which furthers the chocolaty/creamy punch and lets it shine in the aftertaste. Excellent stuff.

L William Fairman Dairy Chocolate Milk

Delicious, sharp-ish malty flavor resonates throughout, seemingly in lieu of a cocoa flavor-- sounds like a knock, but it's actually very tasty. The salty/malty flavor pairs well with the (relatively) thin viscosity and lovely creamline base. Fans of chocolate malt- take notice-- this will not disappoint.

Lane's End Farm Creamery Chocolate Milk

Remarkably subtle-- and that's not a euphamism for bland. Upon first sip, its extremely lithe yet creamy base dances on the palate and leaves you with dark-ish cocoa footprints that form a cumulative indulgence rarely experienced in potable dairy confection. There's a maturity to the experience-- led by the uniquely delicious cocoa flavor, and enhanced by its confidence to challenge two traditionally commonly held chocolate milk paradigms-- (1) sweetness ie essential [false], and (2) the thicker the better [also false]. Drink this with deliberation, savor each sip, and be better for the experience.

The Creamery at Burley Berries & Blooms Chocolate Milk

Buttery, creamy, chocolaty, salty, grassy-- not necessarily in that order, but I'm doing my best to gather my thoughts after a mind-blowing experience. This is a glove-like fit for my personal tastes and proclivities, and it just gets everything right. There's nothing more rewarding than the deliciously warm, grassy afterglow on the back end of a fully-burdened cream flavor-- a reward that feels earned after many hundreds of pedestrian chocolate milks-- not pedestrian because they tried to be, but because they failed to try. Bravo.

The Creamery at Knob Farm Raw Chocolate Milk

Tastes and drinks very much like its pasteurized counterpart-- it's highlighted by a heavy sweetness (first) and a substantial cocoa flavor (second) that peaks early and stays late. The thin viscosity helps to deliver the flavor quickly and fully thorughout the mouth, which may feel a bit overwhelming for those expecting something a bit more subtle.

The Creamery at Knob Farm Chocolate Coconut Milk

Wow- bold and very defined coconut flavor-- it's definitely the main feature here. It's still very sweet, but there's synergy with the (supporting) cocoa flavor atop the agile creamline base. The bouquet is impressive as well-- it smells like an appetizing sunscreen (if such a thing existed) and is sure to give you a unique drinkable dairy experience!

The Creamery at Knob Farm S'mores Milk

Powerful caramel flavor upfront that lasts until the end-- tastes much more like a salted caramel / chocolate mixture with a heavy dose of sweetness than it does S'mores (chocolate / marshmallow / graham cracker). For my tastes, it's far too sweet, and the caramel-like flavor is distractingly strong. It's the first and only S'mores milk I've ever tried, so I very much appreciate the innovation and novelty here, but the execution is a bit off for my tastes.

The Creamery at Knob Farm Cookies & Cream Milk

A uniquely chocolate-forward cookies & cream flavor, which is a pleasant departure from the typical flavor profile-- if I didn't see the label, I would've assumed this was straight up chocolate milk. It's sweeter than it is chocolaty, and that is the prevailing presence in the early and late stages of the sip, with cocoa peaking in the middle.