All tagged 1.0
Disturbingly thick and chalky, with no positive flavor attributes and a sharp yet playful fake-sweetener twang to the uvula. Impressive enough stats-- 20g protein, 1g sugar, 5g fiber, etc.-- however, it's living proof that there's no biological 'free lunch' as the saying goes. Bad taste and a worse feel, this leans more 'appetite suppressant' than the intended 'meal replacement.'
Fakely (and strongly) sweet upfront with a starchy, chalky body-- full of protein to be sure, but devoid of anything pleasant. There's little to no cocoa flavor in spite of its dark and deeply brown visage. The post-sip vibes are a regret-inducing confluence of astringency and cloying chemical sweetness. ZERO reasons to drink this unless you need a quick protein infusion.
Densely sludgy with no recreational payoff-- it's as hard to recommend this stuff as it is to finish the 8 oz bottle. The dominant flavor isn't one of cocoa-- it's more of an 'old milk on the cusp of turning' fruitiness that is likely a product of its proprietary Splenda sucralose and allulose blend of sweeteners. That flavor carries on in the aftertaste, paired with a drying chalkiness that grinds your mouth to a halt. This might be your body's natural defense against taking another sip. Heed its warning.
Disturbingly (albeit artificially) sweet upon first sip, with a chalky, gummy, non-milky consistency that's neither enjoyable nor uncommon among protein-fortified drinks. The faux-sweetness lingers well beyond its initial spike, and the flavor certainly doesn't improve over time. I get that taste and drinking experience isn't this product's raison d'être, but dialing back the sweetness by 300% would yield at least a 100% improvement.
Strange light-vanilla flavor that has a cereal-esque bent to it-- but ultimately dominated by an inauthentic sweetness that peaks early and rears its head again in the aftertaste. It seems fakely sweet, fakely salty, and wholly unsatisfying. Texture-wise, it could be a lot worse, as it flows pretty freely and is not bogged down by a starchy sludginess like many others in the 'recovery' genre.
If Robitussin got into the chocolate milk business, I would expect something similar to this. Fortunately the Stevia flavor isn’t oppressive, but it’s not flavorful in any positive direction. The texture is dense and not as unnatural as expected, and visually, it looks ok. And just like that, my cough is gone.
I’m reminded of a late-season corn crib— as the flavor has a strong fermented grain quality. Each swallow fades clumsily into a starchy roux, causing you to question what, why, and how. And ultimately, who.
A rotten, chalkier emulation of Fairlife. Everything is second rate, from the sickly gray substance that slithers out of the hole to the ‘what-sweetness-exists-is-obviously-fake’ flavor, to the starchy, drying finish. Awful.
Even more drab than its nasty ‘wet cement’ gray visage insinuates. The flavor is temporarily sweet, nearly fruity, and all foul. The ‘sell by’ date is still 4 days in the future, but it’s hard to imagine that this is meant to taste like it does.
It's easy to forget how unnatural skim chocolate milk looks, feels, and tastes— this is no exception. Cloyingly sweet and unsupported by its cream-starved base, you will begin to wonder if even the most sugar-ravenous kids would disparage their young viscera with anything more than a trial sip.
Labelling this as ‘chocolate' is a definite stretch. It tastes more like a bland latte that sat in a paper cup for 48 hours. Sadly, I’ve had that experience, and am forced to relive it here.
Watery and weak, unsatisfying flavor. Without much chocolate, sweetness, salt, malt, or cream— what do you have? An utterly pointless product.
Thick, chalky, and highly unsweet. It makes you wonder what ‘Drano’ might taste like, and how similar to this it might be.
It's hard to believe that there’s actually 6.8g sugar per 100mL— tastes like much less. The experience is dominated by a sour, damp, wheaty flavor that will linger on your palate long after each ill-considered mouthful.
Boozy and sweet— makes me wonder if this milk is in the process of turning foul. There's a very prominent powdery feel, which may be in part due to the rehydration. I watch its solute cling desperately to the inside of the glass, as I regrettably afford my innards the same fate. Ok, ‘no mas.’
Either a bitter fruitiness or a fruity bitterness greets you on the first sip and instantly manifests as regret. That’s more than $0.01 per mL— provided you drink the whole bottle. Pretty sure you won’t want to.
Cardboard flavor and aftertaste make for a highly unsatisfying experience. Who at Coop thinks this tastes like chocolate milk?
Unnecessarily thick and tastes like spray paint fumes (modestly so, anyway). You could convince yourself that there’s more ‘banana’ flavor in this than ‘chocolate’— but either way, it’s not to be pursued for enjoyment.
There's some kind of action that goes on in the back of the mouth, akin to a how a relatively light liqueur might feel. Maybe this stuff is starting to ‘turn’— it’s not quite to the boozy stage but has a disconcerting feel, and a sourness that fills the remainder of the experience.
Gives off a strange sensation that I’ve not felt much before— the first sip hits you as a hollow sweetness, and then, in your mouth, the swallow and aftertaste just get progressively sweeter. I’m not sure how/why this works, but it’s unpleasant. The sweetness feels unnatural as well, and the chocolate flavor is not at all worth the trouble.
