A true deluge of flavor from first sip to tummy-rubbing listless coma. Full-bodied, chocolaty, sweet, creamy— basically, it’s liquid love-handles.
Schneider's Chocolate Lowfat Milk
Nothing offensive, unless you’re aggrieved by an impossibly boring product that would be upstaged by an unsalted pretzel. Fortunately it’s not over-sweet, which is appreciated, but every other meaningful flavor category is underrepresented here as well.
Turner's Chocolate Milk
Deeply chocolaty with excellent backing from the sweetness and cream— a duo that work together very well to make the cocoa flavor pop upfront and sustain well into the pensive afterglow that is sure to follow.
Turner's Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Prominent cocoa flavor that shows up early and stays late— a much more welcome characteristic in chocolate milks than in houseguests.
United Dairy Chocolate Nonfat Milk
Has that sweet carton-y flavor that plagues many chocolate milks packaged in such a way. Basically, it’s like licking one of those colored greeting card envelopes that has a modicum of sweetness and otherwise industrial paper-like quality. I think I prefer the envelope.
United Dairy Nonfat Chocolate Milk
Bland and unoffensive, very smooth and drinkable for a nonfat chocolate milk. It’s hard to get excited about it, but there are much worse skim options out there that try too hard to be something they are not.
United Dairy Lowfat Chocolate Milk
More of a ‘peanutty’ essence than that of chocolate— it’s salty, and very smooth. Not a bad experience, but one that is lacking cocoa flavor.
United Dairy Chocolate Milk
An under-chocolaty but otherwise fully competent whole chocolate milk. It disperses pleasantly and naturally, has a decent sweet/salty ratio, and has a good creamy taste.
Pot O Gold Pot Bellies Chocolate Milk
Unique combination of super thick, dense, creamy, and smooth— with a flavor that’s slightly more sweet than chocolaty. It’s best to take this in small, manageable sips— as an attempt to ‘chug’ could have serious repercussions— and also, the flavor is easier to appreciate at a more deliberate rate of consumption.
Pot O Gold Chocolate Milk
Unique combination of super thick, dense, creamy, and smooth— with a flavor that’s slightly more sweet than chocolaty. It’s best to take this in small, manageable sips— as an attempt to ‘chug’ could have serious repercussions— and also, the flavor is easier to appreciate at a more deliberate rate of consumption.
Giant Eagle Chocolate Milk
Excellent chocolate-malt flavor with a snap of salt that ties it up neatly. The cocoa flavor is true, it’s easy to drink, and even easier to want more.
Giant Eagle Lowfat Chocolate Milk
I appreciate the thinner-than-expected viscosity nestled among its otherwise dead-average characteristics.
Giant Eagle Local Chocolate Milk
Sweet and curiously under-chocolaty— it drinks like a sweetened half & half— not the worst thing under the sun, but an interesting profile choice for chocolate milk.
Buckeye Country Creamery Chocolate Milk
Slightly wild with an under-sweet, powdery cocoa flavor that pairs quite well with its warmly creamy base. The cream’s presence remains long after each swallow, and it just ‘feels’ right.
Smith's Chocolate Milk
Creamy, salty, sweet, mildly chocolaty— in that order, and it’s enjoyable save for a fleeting quality to the flavor that feels a touch unnatural.
Smith's Old Fashioned Chocolate Milk
Mature arrangement of cream, cocoa, and muted sweetness that flourishes in the latter half of the sip and finishes clean— preparing you for the next draw without forcing you to rush.
Dairymens Chocolate Milk
Decent texture and cream quotient, but also cloyingly sweet with a ‘fruity’ essence— usurping most of the attention from its cocoa flavor and other positive attributes.
Smith's Chocolate Low Fat Milk
Rather bland with a nearly minty essence to the latter half of the sip. Reminiscent of that emoji that has the flat horizontal lines for its eyes and mouth.
Smith's Low Fat Chocolate Milk
Fairly straight forward chocolate milk experience that leans slightly toward the starchier end of the spectrum. It’s not overpoweringly sweet, which works to its advantage but it remains on the low end of mediocrity.
Smith's Chocolate Fat Free Milk
Starchy, thickened, and chalky finish: a ham-fisted attempt to mask its fat deficiency. The flavor is highlighted by a ‘cartony’ note and reinforced with salt (a good move).