Mild and uncontroversial in every respect. I wouldn’t brag about this being in my fridge, and nobody is likely to de-friend me on social media if they found out it was there. On the bright side, mediocrity makes the extremes much more interesting.
Marigold HL Chocolate Milk
Tastes like a chocolate popsicle that had been lurking in the back of the freezer for months past its ‘sell-by’ curfew. You know the kind— it’s covered in icy particles, which, due to the lack of other options, you give a cursory brush-off before thrusting the pop into your warm piehole in a vulgar act of misguided desperation. This chocolate milk embodies that experience.
Fernleaf Chocolate Milk
Solid but uninteresting, with the mild salty/buttery snap at the end being its standout feature. The chocolate bit is underwhelming, but not egregiously so— all in all, a competent offering that stands above much of its Malaysian competition somewhat by default.
Vico Minuman Malt Coklat
Strongly malty, practically to a sour extent, but well supported by a fairly thin but creamy base. There’s plenty of chalky residue to be had post-swallow, which feels a bit incongruous given the viscosity.
UK Farm Chocolate Goat Milk
The dominant flavor is ‘malt’ by a long shot— it’s not particularly chocolaty or goaty. The texture is excellent, and the creaminess shines as well (especially given the thin medium). It’s not ‘gamey’ or ‘wild’ tasting as other non-cow milks can be, but more on the bland side with plus physical attributes.
Almarai Double Chocolate Milk
Wow— super sweet and strongly chocolaty. Unfortunately, the cocoa flavor has been ‘candified’ which exudes an air of inauthenticity. I applaud the effort, as it stands out among the hundreds of boxed chocolate milks I’ve tried, and it does indeed deliver on the ‘double chocolate’ claim. Just too sweet for its own good.
Goodday Chocolate Milk
More sharply ‘rummy’ than the UHT version, and accompanied by a ‘soiled paint thinner’ note quite opposite of the pleasantly sweet vanilla aroma. On its own, you might not notice the shortcomings as much, but in serial comparison to other chocolate milks, it’s surprisingly ugly.
Goodday Charge
Sweet and dirty, like how you’d expect the mud in Candyland to taste. The texture is more syrupy than milky, and you can tell there’s some fortification therein, particularly in the aftertaste.
Goodday Chocolate Milk (UHT)
Smooth with a chalky finish— the cocoa flavor definitely steers into a rum-like direction, which is not what I’m looking for in chocolate milk.
Farm Fresh Premium Chocolate Milk
Remarkably creamy and chocolaty experience, without the sugar. It’s sweet enough, but only barely— and it works, as this manages to retain an indulgence that isn’t cheapened by loads of sugar, gimmicky flavors, or a contrived texture.
Nestle Milo Activ-Go (plastic)
Thicker, and thankfully more flavorful than the canned version. It’s still on the bland side of the ledger, but does a better job at emulating chocolate milk than other Milo manifestations, and it is fairly well balanced for what it is.
Nestle Milo Hi-Cal
Watery and weak, unsatisfying flavor. Without much chocolate, sweetness, salt, malt, or cream— what do you have? An utterly pointless product.
Dutch Lady Pure Farm Chocolate Milk
Similar to the 1L box version from a taste standpoint, but carries a stronger ‘sourness’ that becomes more reminiscent of ‘freezerburn’ taste, detracting a bit from the overall experience.
Dutch Lady Milky Chocolate Milk (plastic)
Competent, straightforward, and a touch on the bland side. You could do a lot worse, but with the same amount of effort, you could do a standard deviation or two better.
Dutch Lady Chocolate Caramel Milk
The ‘caramel’ piece is not at all obvious, and you’re still left with an under-flavorful experience that blends in with it surroundings on the UHT milk shelf. It’s a bit saltier than the typical Dutch Lady product, and if that’s attributable to the ‘caramel’ flavor, then it’s a positive (but still relatively impotent) thing.
Dutch Lady Milky Chocolate Milk (box)
Relatively smooth, but tastes like a fortified drink to an extent— there’s a minor vitamin-enhanced-metallic bent to the flavor that is not necessarily distracting, but just as prominent as the (still weak) cocoa flavor. A few straw-lengths and the tiny box is depleted, much like your desire to siphon 125mL more.
Dutch Lady Pure Farm Chocolate Milk (UHT plastic)
Powdery and uninteresting. Lacks any sort of compelling flavor, and the texture is needlessly granular. It’s not ‘gross’ or ‘strange’ by any means, just relatively pointless.
Dutch Lady Pure Farm Chocolate Milk (UHT box)
Chocolaty, noticeably chalky, and carries a very mild sourness that registers as unique and somewhat interesting— though the flavor washes out a bit quicker than you’d hope.
Nippy's Iced Chocolate Milk (UHT plastic)
Super thin and smooth, just like the boxed version, and a little less bland, though far from overpoweringly flavorful. It does carry a much more noticeable salt quality, which amplifies the cream and creates a stronger overall experience.
Nippy's Iced Chocolate Milk (UHT box)
Record-scratchingly bland— it’s sporting ‘business casual’ to a Halloween rave. Nothing is offensive here, just rather pointless— especially if you’re expecting flavor in proportion to the chocolate chunks that abound on the package.