Competent, straightforward, and a touch on the bland side. You could do a lot worse, but with the same amount of effort, you could do a standard deviation or two better.
Dutch Lady Chocolate Caramel Milk
The ‘caramel’ piece is not at all obvious, and you’re still left with an under-flavorful experience that blends in with it surroundings on the UHT milk shelf. It’s a bit saltier than the typical Dutch Lady product, and if that’s attributable to the ‘caramel’ flavor, then it’s a positive (but still relatively impotent) thing.
Dutch Lady Milky Chocolate Milk (box)
Relatively smooth, but tastes like a fortified drink to an extent— there’s a minor vitamin-enhanced-metallic bent to the flavor that is not necessarily distracting, but just as prominent as the (still weak) cocoa flavor. A few straw-lengths and the tiny box is depleted, much like your desire to siphon 125mL more.
Dutch Lady Pure Farm Chocolate Milk (UHT plastic)
Powdery and uninteresting. Lacks any sort of compelling flavor, and the texture is needlessly granular. It’s not ‘gross’ or ‘strange’ by any means, just relatively pointless.
Dutch Lady Pure Farm Chocolate Milk (UHT box)
Chocolaty, noticeably chalky, and carries a very mild sourness that registers as unique and somewhat interesting— though the flavor washes out a bit quicker than you’d hope.
Nippy's Iced Chocolate Milk (UHT plastic)
Super thin and smooth, just like the boxed version, and a little less bland, though far from overpoweringly flavorful. It does carry a much more noticeable salt quality, which amplifies the cream and creates a stronger overall experience.
Nippy's Iced Chocolate Milk (UHT box)
Record-scratchingly bland— it’s sporting ‘business casual’ to a Halloween rave. Nothing is offensive here, just rather pointless— especially if you’re expecting flavor in proportion to the chocolate chunks that abound on the package.
F&N Magnolia Chocolate Milk
It's clearly a malt rather than chocolate focus— executed rather tastefully, I might add. It takes one sip to get used to it, and by the third, you’re looking forward to several more.
F&N Magnolia Chocolate Milk (UHT box)
Unexpectedly thick for a boxed milk, I kept expecting the flavor to turn sketchy— but it never quite did. It’s well proportioned (in contrast to other F&N products I’ve had in the past), and a pleasant surprise— though the viscosity remains a drawback for my tastes.
F&N Magnolia Chocolate Milk (UHT plastic)
Begins with a remarkably sharp salty hit that feels artificial, and is entirely distracting from whatever else might be taking place. Thankfully, it recedes almost as quickly as it comes on, but each sip repeats the cycle, and it’s not something you’ll want to experience multiple times in a row.
KenKen Bread Chocolate Milk
The heavy chalkiness is (in part) warranted by the cocoa flavor, and (in part) mitigated by the cream quotient that serves as a competent base for a drink that is nearly devoid of sweetness- and it works. The flavor is more of a ‘slow burn’— and it feels more sophisticated than your average sweetened milk beverage.
Fresh Delight Silky Cocoa
Watery, strangely thin but powdery, and carries a hint of a fermented ‘beery’ note that is thankfully fleeting, but still present in every sip.
Ovaltine Nutritious Malted Milk Drink (Can)
Malty, chalky, but still decently satisfying considering the relatively low calorie content. The flavor washes out more quickly than the cartoned version, making the residual chalk more noticeable. In short, not bad for a canned drink.
Ovaltine Nutritional Chocolate Malted Milk
Surprisingly chocolaty, pleasantly malty, appropriately sweetened— there’s a lot to like here. I’ve had quite a range of Ovaltine products, and this is well into the palatable end of the continuum.
Pure Chocolate Milk
Tastes as chocolaty as it looks, albeit a hair on the earthy side. Everything else plays its supporting role competently, and this comes off as being authentic, maturely indulgent, and among relatively elite company for chocolate milk in this area.
Go Long Chocolate Milk
Tastes (and feels) like weak hot chocolate powder mixed with water. Hard to imagine this having 64 calories and 2.3g fat per 100mL— that in itself seems like a feat of food science and engineering.
iSelect French Cocoa
Strong (but not dark) and slightly powdery cocoa flavor that resonates well in combination with its thin creaminess. The experience ages well in the aftertaste— a welcome feature, as this can be consumed quickly given the low viscosity.
Fresh Delight Chocolate Milk
Armed with a sharp maltiness, it’s tons more flavorful than the UHT version, and a fairly nice surprise. It still registers as less sweet than average, and there’s a fair bit of chalk, but overall, it’s not embarrassing to be seen with.
Chen Ying Chocolate Milk
Bland, save for a sourish note that has nothing to do with chocolate and serves only to further the ‘don’t need to have this again’ narrative.
Fresh Delight Hokkaido Flavor Chocolate Milk
Chocolate is the primary flavor, but it comes across as flat and uninteresting, and then washes out fairly quickly. You take another sip, and come to the exact same conclusion. It could use a stern punch of salt, sweetness, malt, or any combination thereof.