All in USA

Shamrock Farms Rockin' Protein Builder Chocolate

Beautifully brown, but fairly hollow flavor. The sweetness feels inauthentic, and overall it has a slight watery quality that washes away the rather mild taste anyway. It hides the protein-y flavor quite well— it’s definitely palatable, and tastier than many other ‘recovery’ oriented drinks, but it doesn't compare favorably to chocolate milk, especially the high standard that Shamrock Farms tends to deliver.

a2 Milk Chocolate

Adequately creamy, averagely chocolaty, and pleasant— despite a mildly pervasive aura that I can best describe as that slightly minty paste you may or may not have consumed as a child. Texture-wise, it sports a substantial build with a relatively clean, adhesive-free finish.

Hatcher Family Dairy Jumpin Jimmy

Tastes a lot less exciting than ‘Jumpin Jimmy’ may suggest— but that’s not a bad thing. What you get here is a relatively undersweet, chalky, chocolaty drink that sports neither a caffeinated nor protein-y flavor. It will give you a bit of a jolt though, if you're not used to it.

Hatcher Family Dairy Chocolate Milk

The first sip said ‘maple syrup’ to me, but as I pressed on, I began to appreciate the cocoa flavor that becomes more evident in the (rather delicious) aftertaste. It’s delectably creamy, fun to drink, and feels indulgent yet not in an overpowering way. Melted ice cream is probably the closest thing.

Best Choice Chocolate Milk

Great creamy smoothness aside, there’s a sharpish malt flavor in place of the cocoa— and normally I like a malt flavor, but this one feels a bit misplaced or underdeveloped. All else is very good, but the predominant flavor is still shrouded in mystery.

Fairlife Smart Milkshakes Chocolate

Smooth and sweet— but I taste more stevia than honey. It’s not as blatant as some of the other Fairlife products, but neither is the chocolate presence. It could use a heavier dose of salt to bring out the cream, as it’s lacking flavor dimensionality.

Purity Chocolate Milk (pint)

Tons of flavor, with the cocoa nearly in equal proportion to the sweetness— providing a more mature, dessert-y type of feel that makes my heart sing. The creamy base does its job almost too well-- as it’s easy to drink too much of it too fast.

Prairie Farms Chocolate Milk

Strongly sweet, with an almost honey-ish bent; it fits together well with above-average saltiness and a super smooth and creamy medium. More cocoa wouldn’t hurt, but it’s far from broken and no need to fix it-- it’s objectively delicious.

Kroger Chocolate Breakfast Shake

Multivitamin scent and flavor (to a lesser extent), and feels like a mouthful of beach sand. You can chomp on the individual grains during and after each sip, and there’s an audible ‘crunch’ as you do so. It’s chalky, passably chocolaty, and from a taste perspective, you could do a lot worse in the ‘breakfast shake’ category.

Sir Bananas (UHT)

If you’re paying close attention, you may notice actual tiny bits of banana that buoy to the surface, and you can feel them on your tongue— actually a welcome feature and pleasant surprise. The banana flavor is stronger than the cocoa flavor, but it’s a pleasantly unique drink that can be a nice change of pace.