Decent cocoa flavor and strength, fairly tasty experience— just feels a bit too artificially thickened.
All in USA
Hatchland Farm "Wicked Good" Chocolate Milk
Feels bland at first taste, but eventually the cocoa shines through. The dialed-back sweetness likely helps the cocoa rise to prominence, but I was also hoping for more salt and cream (though it was decently adequate). Has potential, looks beautiful, but lacks the punchy flavor present in many of the elite chocolate milks.
Hood Chocolate Milk Fat Free Milk
Thin and super smooth— and the positive qualities end there. It’s a sullen-looking gray color that delivers no enjoyable flavor characteristics. A mild sweetness is the only thing that registers on the palate, and although it’s smooth, it feels a little plasticky.
Hershey's Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Strong fake-sweetener taste (which is not an ingredient) that lingers well on into the aftertaste. Had me wishing I kept some Funyuns nearby to destroy the residual flavor in my mouth completely. Not up to the same standards as the other Hershey’s UHT products I’ve had.
Hood Calcium Fortified Chocolate Milk
Fantastically creamy and delicious— could only be improved by having a stronger cocoa quotient. Very enjoyable to drink and feels both indulgent and sophisticated.
Core Power Elite High Protein Chocolate Milk Shake
Thick, chalky, and what sweetness exists tastes artificial and weird, though not completely out of character for Fairlife products. I appreciate that it’s low sugar and (very) high protein and it bears much more semblance to milk than other products in its category— but to drink it for its flavor is not recommended.
Oak Knoll Dairy Chocolate Goats' Milk
Salty, buttery, and decently chocolaty— a marked improvement compared with the Love Goat I had in Bangkok— the only other chocolate goat milk I’ve had. There’s a bit of an aftertaste that seems different from regular cow milk, but it’s not offensive— most people wouldn’t cry “goat” if presented with this (myself included).
Kimball Brook Farm Organic Chocolate Whole Milk
Darker chocolate flavor that settles quickly. I love how the thin viscosity pairs with the cream to make it extremely (and quickly) drinkable. Has a mature flavor that gets better the deeper you get into the pint.
Muscle Milk Original Chocolate
Chalky, metallic, and artificially sweet— there’s not much reason to pursue this for taste purposes (I’m sure most people drink it for other reasons). Leaves an unpleasant aftertaste that is hard to shake.
Shop Rite Chocolate Milk
Its gray color is a harbinger of the lack of chocolate you will soon experience. There’s a salty, milky flavor that isn’t awful— but it’s hard to file it under ‘chocolate milk’ — or at least what that file cabinet should contain.
Hood Simply Smart Fat Free Chocolate Milk
Artificially thick— an attempt at ‘enhancing’ fat free chocolate milk as having a creamy component— but it doesn’t work all that well. The chocolate flavor is a sour one, reminding me of that sour note you get from chocolate syrup. Also leaves a bit of a residue in the back of the throat, further reminding you of the inauthenticity.
Hood Calcium Fortified Chocolate Lowfat Milk
Very powdery chocolate flavor and texture— left lots of tiny grit on the tongue. Otherwise, quite average across the board.
Hood Moo Struck Chocolate Lowfat Milk
Has a slightly sour/boozy note that, when paired with the candyish chocolate quality, does not do itself any favors. It’s also way too sweet, which (by the third sip) became its biggest drawback.
Shaw Farm Dairy Chocolate Milk
Malty and delicious— great balance of flavor and texture. There’s almost a buttery quality to the cream which brings each sip to a rewarding conclusion. One of the best I’ve had in a while!
Oakhurst Chocolate Lowfat Milk
Thin, sweet, and not overly chocolaty. Not offensive, not memorable, mildly nostalgic (as I grew up in Maine swilling this stuff).
Lucerne Protein Plus Chocolate Flavored Dairy Beverage
Thick, chalky texture and an unrewarding earthy taste. It carries a powdery quality that will dry out your mouth post-swallow— remedying this discomfort is the only incentive to take another sip.
Hood Chocolate Whole Milk
Plenty sweet, and enough cream, malt, and cocoa flavor to be taken seriously. There is a slight powdery-ness that pervades the experience but it’s not egregious enough to curb the enjoyment.
Contookook Creamery Chocolate Milk
Should be served with a side of insulin. Tons of flavor, but primarily in the sugary direction. This is one of the sweetest, most cloying chocolate milks I’ve had. If you can ignore the sweetness (which is nigh impossible), the other flavors will seem well proportioned.
Lucerne Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk
Unnatural bubbles on the top make for an ominous first impression. It’s more sweet than anything else— and there’s a creaminess present despite the texture feeling less ‘milky’ than you’d expect.
Hannaford Lowfat Chocolate Milk
Syrupy sweetness to it that tingles the throat upon swallow. Cocoa taste is there, but the texture feels a bit starchy and over thickened.